One of my theories on retirement is that a happily retired individual should have an hour or so each day when his or her finger pads are wrinkled.
(I know that the entire subject of wrinkles is somewhat taboo, but I am referring to a specific area of the body – the finger pads – and not wrinkles in general.)
Finger pads are the fleshy area opposite the nail on each finger which contain one’s fingerprints – be it whorls, loops, or arches – used by law enforcement for identification purposes. As far as I know, the only way to wrinkle one’s finger pads is to spend a significant amount of time soaking in water. Hot tubs, baths, ocean water, and pool water all seems to work. In any event, a retired person should be able to find time each day to swim or soak or simply laze away in some body of water long enough to coax one’s finger pads into a deep wrinkly state.
After several years of work and refinement we feel like we can now share a successful finger pad wrinkling technique that we like to call, “Rotisserie Tanning.”
Year round Ecuadorian sunshine
One pool with at least three water jets allowing for a gentle circular flow of water
One full-length inflatable float (preferably a, “Swimway” brand “Springfloat”)
Lots of patience
- (Optional, but advised) Apply significant amounts of water-proof SPF-50 sunscreen on face and ears as needed.
- Position floatation device in pool and lie upon it facing upward.
- Count to at least one thousand using your heartbeat as a metronome or set a timer for about one half hour.
- At the end of the half hour or after you wake up from trying to count to one thousand turn over so that you are facing downward and repeat step 3.
- Inspect finger pad areas. If not sufficiently wrinkled, repeat steps 3 and 4.
- Repeat daily for the rest of your retired life!
The swirling motion of the water jets will cause the floatation device to rotate in gentle 360 degree turns allowing for full sun coverage and the hands dangling in the water will allow for deep wrinkling on all ten finger pads.
Again after several years of testing I feel confident that the system works, But, if you do not believe me, here is photographic evidence taken last July of me sitting between my two sons in Florida.
(The two pale individuals on the sides are both in the medical field working as dermatologists, but we will not hold that against them.)
This post was carefully typed by deeply wrinkled fingers from here where…
Life is good in Ecuador!